Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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