My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
