I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
