You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
