the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
