Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize