just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you never un-have a 4some
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
