have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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