Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
