I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
