porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
