And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
