Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
