You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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