I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
