The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
