Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
