i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize