Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize