She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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