I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
