woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pants are for mortals
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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