Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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