Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
