Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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