wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
