Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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