i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
