If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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