just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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