How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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