just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
