I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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