I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
