so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will be naked everywhere
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
