Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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