I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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