you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
