The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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