You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
