Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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