yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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