they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
