Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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