Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
