Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
