either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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