I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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