I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
