He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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