well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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