i will never coherently bang her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
