Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
