You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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