How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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