I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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