there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
