Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
