this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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