i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
