I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
