i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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