my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
