I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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