Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
