so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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