I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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