I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
this hospital has no fireball
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
