You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
