come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
