it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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