Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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