Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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