Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
