I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
