She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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