How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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